How to role play really, really well

It can be a lot of fun – and laughter and sex is never a bad combo.

Have you ever wanted to role play being someone else? Not just in the FML-can-I-be-rich-and-famous-already way, either. We’re talking about your sexual fantasies, those secret moments when you imagine yourself right in centre of the action of the erotic fiction you’re reading or porn you’re watching.

Any kind of sex-related or kinky role play starts from one place – your imagination. But before you do anything, it’s important to have a proper chat with your partner(s) about your expectations, boundaries, safe words. Only ever role play with a partner(s) you trust and are able to communicate with openly and honestly. So, all that playing dress up or pretending to be a superhero you did as a kid was the innocent version of what you can do now. Get elaborate or keep it simple – it’s all about doing what turns you on.

Sex experts at Kinkly explain how to get started.

A woman wearing a pink wig looking into the sunset



What turns you on, in your head? Is it the hot teacher you used to have in college? Maybe you wish your massage therapist would take things a little farther when you’re covered only by a towel. Have you read erotic fiction and wished you were a vampire or a Viking?

In role play, you’re limited only by your imagination. Think of any scenario that turns you on even if it’s just the excitement of a first date with someone you’ve been lusting over. Your dirty thoughts are sexy inspiration for all your role play games.


Some role play fantasies you can spring on your partner, like pretending to meet them in a bar. Others need a bit of preparation. If you’ve got a kinky role play fantasy featuring leather, whips, and a mermaid (don’t worry – there’s a sexy costume for that) … well, you’re going to need to give your partner an early heads-up.

Start simple with “I can’t stop fantasising about…” Then, gauge your partner’s interest. If they perk up a little or get into the fantasy with you, take it to the next level. Say something like “Can you be the prisoner, and I’ll be the guard?” or whatever your fantasy may be.

A couple lying hand in hand on a bed



Some role play fantasies are inherently about power – the teacher and student, or officer and criminal. One of you has power over the other and can “have your way” with the other. It’s a great way to explore a kinky power exchange dynamic in a more playful way, without some of the seriousness and intensity.

But, not all role play scenarios have to be that way. Pretending to pick up your partner at a bar, or acting like you’re on a blind date lets you be someone you don’t think you are – aggressive, bold, overtly sexual – in a safe way.


For many people, role play can feel a little silly. You might feel awkward or uncomfortable “playing pretend” even if the idea of it turns you on. Start small and slow.

nude pictures, naked pictures, sexting


Try sexting your partner about your fantasy first. This way you can play and be imaginative without looking at the other person or saying anything out loud. For some people, this is all the role play you may need or want. For others, once you get comfortable typing it, it’ll be much easier to say your “lines” in a role play scene.


Imagination is a powerful thing, so costumes in role play aren’t a requirement. If you’re broke or uninterested in wigs, hats, and costumes, go ahead and skip it. But if dressing up helps you get into “character,” go for it. If you’re not sure what to go for, there’s always the classic French maid, nurse, and secretary. And, plenty of plus size options too.

You can buy sexy costumes online, from adult stores or costume shops, or you can use what you have in your wardrobe to put together the perfect outfit for your character. Dressing up isn’t required, but it can definitely make your scene feel more real. It can also be great fun.

Sexy secretary role play costume



The first few “lines” of your role play might feel awkward or silly – and that’s OK. This is a new game, and no one expects you to be perfect at the beginning. It’s alright to laugh and fumble through at first. If it’s a strong fantasy for you or your partner, the words will come and then you can follow each other’s lead.

You may know exactly how you want your fantasy to end. If you do, you should also let your partner know. But you may want to be surprised at what happens, in which case, imagine what your character would say or what you’d want them to say, and go for it. No theatre critic will be there to tell you if you did a good job. If you end the scene naked, sweaty, and satisfied, you’ve performed well!

Be open with your partner and let your imagination lead the way

Role play in the bedroom (or bar, hotel, or anywhere else) can be an amazing outlet to share your sexiest fantasies, try new things, and explore your kinks. It can also be a lot of fun leading to laughter and sex, which is never a bad combination!

The important thing is to be open with your partner and let your imagination lead the way. Be willing to be silly and make mistakes – this is supposed to be fun! And, as you get better at getting into character and letting go of your inhibitions, you might be surprised at where your fantasies take you.

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